Good morning and happy Sunday to you! Another week since we last hung out has come and gone and is it me, or is time speeding up? I mean this was the fastest week of my life and I said that to myself last week, too. Crazy! And so, I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to slow things down, get really present and share something I’ve been dealing with in hopes it may help you, too. That’s what I’m grateful for. What are YOU truly grateful for on this beautiful Sunday morning? I realize today’s subject line is a bit strange and at first glance you may answer, “I don’t have a ‘worst friend’ but please take a moment and really ask yourself, “Is there a friendship in my life that is no longer working?” The reason I ask this is I spent time this week hanging out with my worst friend and man, what a downer it was. And the more we hung out the more I realized just how unhealthy our friendship is. As I tried to figure out how we got here and to own my part(sooooo important to do), I soon realized we were always “here.” In other words, we’ve been doing this dance for almost twenty years and I’m finally done. You see, he’s extremely negative about most everything – his marriage, his job, his kids, the government, the economy, our future, his neighbors – you get the idea. Negative. Unhappy. Toxic. And there’s always drama with him. He also LOVES to gossip and criticize most everyone and everything. He also blames everyone else or his problems. So if all this were true then the next healthy question to ask would be, “If he’s so toxic why in the hell are you guys even friends?” Good question and I hear ya and here’s the truth – twenty years ago when we met he wasn’t like this. At all. He was funny and positive and a bright light in this world. But over the years he’s become so cynical and bitter and heavy-hearted. And the really sad part is nothing has happened to him over the last twenty that would cause this. Oh he’s had his ups and downs and bruises and bumps like all of us but nothing MAJOR has happened to turn him into such a negative human being. He just stopped seeing all that life is and was and started to focus on all that it wasn’t. Now, I know I am far from perfect and I too have contributed to our slide but I can honestly say I am much healthier, happier, lighter and a better version of me than twenty years ago.
So while I’ve gone left, he’s gone right and after our time together this week it’s clear it’s time to say goodbye. Maybe it comes with getting older but I just don’t have time to waste anymore. I don’t want to do anything unhealthy and that includes hanging around people who bring me down instead of raising me up. HOW ABOUT YOU? Who’s your most unhealthy friend? Is it still working for you? Can it be saved/salvaged/repaired/healed or is it time to do the healthy-selfish thing and move on? And of course, the most important question is what’s your part in the dance? What have you done to contribute to it? Where have you enabled it? And maybe an even better question – what kind of friend are YOU to your friends?
Let’s keep getting healthier. Let’s rise up and not down. Let’s go left instead of right. Let’s surround ourselves with only those people who empower us. That’s what I want for you and me.
Your friend, Jim