I want to talk with you about balance and how to find it when I lose it. Well, I just returned from Hawaii late last evening. I arrived at midnight into Oakland, got my bags after forty five-minutes because … who knows.
So I finally got my bags, took the shuttle to my car, found the car (after month I honestly had no clue), started it up, and began my hour and a half drive home.
I arrived at 3:00am and crawled into bed.
As tired as I was driving home, I was struck by something. In fact it hit me hard.
One of my great strengths as a “dreamer” is I am a doer. I go after it, I am laser-focused, determined, resilient, and if I say I am going to do something, it’s done.
I believe If you’re a dreamer, these are very important qualities.
But as I’ve shared on many occasion, I can get “out of balance” and when that happens I get a tightness in my chest, I barely breathe (I’m not kidding, like barely), and in a very short time I become the opposite of “who I want to be.”
Not my best version.
So, even after a month in Hawaii of THE most lazy, laaaaaazzzzzy days, of EXTREME balance and slower breathing and slower eating and slower “everything” I found myself standing by the baggage carousel waiting for “late bags” starting to get that feeling inside.
By the time I got into my car and began the long drive home I was feeling the opposite of my time in Hawaii.
And then I had a beautiful moment of beautiful balance. An old teaching I heard many years ago came into my head/heart, “Where ever you go, there you are.”
And there I was, even after a month in Hawaii I started to go to my “go-to” way of being – too fast with everything and not patient enough when life is not unfolding at my pace.
I’ve spent years becoming this version of me. It started honestly when I began my dream/career of being an actor thirty years ago. I had started late (29), I had zero training, and even less relationships or help within the business.
I ALWAYS felt like I could never do enough, that I was in a race that had started years before without me so I was always way behind.
For awhile it worked for me. I just “went after it” with 1000% effort and determination and in time things started to unfold.
But the price was I began to feel this “tension” inside of me. Eventually it became so severe it was hard to “balance out.”
Finally, through lots of help – therapy, books, teachers, and lots of healthy downtime – I got things back in balance. I started taking these long, beautiful breaks several years ago. And every morning I have created a really wonderful routine of journaling, meditation, prayers, and a physical workout that is my haven – my balance.
But “it” still is in there – simmering just below the surface. And it’s because I spent years investing in a certain way of walking through life, and that comes at a price.
I coined a phrase several years ago after working out three days in a row after not working out for some time. I was very proud of myself. So proud, I took the next day off. And then the next day off as well and soon I was back to not working out. That’s when I came up with this very important teaching for me, “Three days in a row (pick the # – 3, 30, 6 months) is NOT a comeback.”
To change, to truly change behavior you MUST be a daily warrior.
Because where ever you go, there you are. Even if you go Hawaii for a month, you’re brining “you” with you – that version of you that is currently the result of every choice you have ever made.
Humbling but there it is.
So driving home last night I realized I have MUCH more work to do. Yay! I’m excited and grateful to at least be sensitive and aware to all that I am not.
How about you?
Where are you these days in terms of grace and patience and open-heartedness? What are you doing on a daily basis to get healthier so you can have THE most extraordinary day?
Because wherever we go, there we are.
I’m with you, believe me.
My very best.